Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Breathing easy


I am a self improvement kinda guy. Every now and again, you gotta clean yourself up, and clean yourself out, right? "Well what about reaching those tucked away little nooks and crannies like your sinus cavities?", you ask. Fear not, because yoga practitioners and wholistic healer types have been using a simple little devices for millions of years to clean out the nose: the Neti pot.

Simple in design, the neti pot looks just like a small watering pot thingy that you use to water your indoor cacti, flowers, and spider plants. This little guy has a spout that fits perfectly into the human nostril though. The general idea is that you mix up a mild saline solution and pour it in one nostril, let it swish around the sinus cavity, and then pour out the other nostril into the sink. The gentle cleansing process removes harmful buildups of pollen, dust, grime, and other airborne caca. Its kind of a foreign feeling, but you have to focus on not laughing, or you get a salty/mucousy sludge draining down your throat.

Yeah I know this seems kinda bizarre... but lemme tell you that after neti-ing, I slept like a baby angel with a belly full of heaven milk, cradled in the arms of an obese, autistic panda bear. Breathing through the nose is pleasant, and my olfactory sense is heightened. I bet I could smell lightning before it even strikes now. Its that good. You should try it.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hike'n'fly

I joined some of the local flying hippies for an early morning jaunt up Beacon Hill for some exercise and a flight this morning (I know, I know... ANOTHER post about flying). November has been particularly mild, and since I can't raise enough loot for a season pass, I am hanging on to the nice days of paragliding to fill the outdoor recreation-shaped hole in my heart.

Its crazy what people will do to get their thrill on. Icy temps and the grueling hike certainly sucked, but did not deter me from logging a flight today. Beacon Hill is located north and slightly east of the U of U campus, so you hike up Red Butte Canyon to reach it. Conversation with the local flying duders includes such subject matter as previous flights, what kind of a current rig you are using, weather, other gnarly activities, and of course, jokes. Heard this one on the way up:

"Whats the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?"
"The taste."

HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!!
Anywhoms, its nice to see the city you live in from a different angle. It makes everything just look so tiny. Here are some visuals. Enjoy, and be easy to one another.


The launch site


Flying into the gross. Looking at the U of U and downtown SLC.


From the landing zone. Beacon Hill in retrospect.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Birds of a Feather

Nicky (my brother) and I got my dad a tandem flight for Father's Day back in June. We finally got him up in the air a couple weeks ago. It was a picture-perfect soaring evening down at the Point of the Mountain. The instructor let Dad fly the rig, and even pull some acro moves on the way down. The Old Man had an ear-to-ear grin when he landed.

I got out in the air and flew along side Dad and my instructor, Chris. What a dope experience that was. Now if only I could get the rest of my nearest and dearest out under some Skytex...



Monday, November 3, 2008

Family togetherness


From the Warren Jeffs Clan: Hope your Halloween was full of tricks and treats. And by tricks, we mean 15 year olds.

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Kid says "Happy Halloween"

JK about the last post. Lots of things have been happenin in Duder's life. Lots of things requiring brain waves and good juju, channeled to other facets of my everyday living. The good news is that I am back online, and will be spitting more hot fiyah.

Lets end the drought with a pic of my most recent pumpkin masterpiece. Jack-o-lanterns were a sign of good fortune to the Orientals in the 3rd century BC. Don't believe me? Wiki that. Anywhoms, I chose to go with a Prince/Purple Rain motif this year. I hope that "the Kid" brings you good fortune tonight on this Hallow's Eve.



This was a test

.... and you all failed it. I was purposefully not posting anything for a while, cause I wanted to see the dedication and desire from my readers to keep the flow coming. I only received menacing emails about my unannounced sabbatical from Adam, and no one else. Shame.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Glory Hole


On a recent trip to Colorado, my brother and I witnessed the Glory Hole. Hold it. I am not talking about that kind of glory hole. I am talking about this old iron mine that is the home to 250,000 Brazilian free tailed bats. At dusk, they all come out to feast on small bugs. According to the plaque in front of the mine, they eat up to 1/3 of their body weight in mosquitoes and moths and the sort. Pretty brutal.

The hike to the cave was a trip in itself. You see, in order to get to the cave, you have to hike through a campground laden with natural hot spring pools. As you might guess, it is a clothing-optional sanctuary. From the Tibetan prayer flags hanging over the cabins, to the community bathroom/shower, it was a naturalist's playground. I couldn't help but wonder to myself as I walked by this dude brandishing his fleshy little stalactite: "At what point in your life do you decide that you want to show off your gravity-stretched cash and prizes to your peers? When do you decide that you would rather be naked than clothed?" Whatever, I suppose.


Our view of Mordor


Nick in front of the cave

video
250,000 Bats

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Anywhere but here, anything but work


This summer has been a bit of a bust, vacation-wise, for me. With a new high-pressure job, and bills to pay, I haven’t been able to do 1/50th of the things I dreamed of doing once I was finally emancipated from college. Its not even that work is so grueling, but just I usually run through a list every day of things I would rather be doing/places I would rather be. Here is my wish list today:








- Getting on the Tatsu at Magic Mountain
- Finishing up a morning wakeboard sesh at Lake Powell
- Watching a couple episodes from Prison Break season 3
- Riding Porcupine Rim in Moab
- Sitting in a canoe on the Green River with some red vines in my hand
- Shooting guns
- playing my guitar on the couch, watching the Olympics
- Riding to Sturgis
- eating some fresh tacos
- tooling around Washington DC
- scuba diving. Looking at small fish and other sea creatures.
- flying a paraglider
- wrassling with a dog
- kicking a soccer ball around
- magic dooring a movie
- learning about dinosaurs on the Discovery Channel
- watching the Dark Knight again
- carving a stick
- making nachos
- swimming
- watching Shark Week
- playing with a switch blade
- preparing a large bowl of ice cream
- playing with expensive guitars at Guitar Center
- jumping off some cliffs in Flaming Gorge
- depositing some money into my bank account

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Happy Birthday to me


I am 26 today. Happy birthday Kristjan. Thanks for the perfect cake Steph!

*Note the rasta colored paraglider.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Blob launch

Holy crap this looks like so much fun:


Amazing Blob Jump Launch - Watch more free videos

Thursday, July 24, 2008

"Now you know why the birds sing man..."



Thats what my sky diving tandem partner said to me after the first jump. Cornball to the nth degree, I know. Kinda insightful though, don't you think?

One thing is for certain though: free flight is awesome.

I managed to affix my little camera on to my harness the other night with a gorillapod . Enjoy this little POV video I captured the other night on a desert tow.

video

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Worth a Thousand What-Have-Ya's


I was searching for random images of this hike in Southern Utah that I’m finna do in mid September, when I stumbled across Michael Anderson's site, LightScapePhoto.com.

Upon, first impression I thought it was just a few pics from some random dude’s travels to different points on the map. As my index finger wheeled the screen down even further, my inner-hippy lost its damn mind. Not only are the pictures incredible, but this dude has been to about every amazing place on the planet, including the Patagonia- a place very dear to my heart.

How many times have you seen something that leaves you speechless, and the only way to preserve even a semblance of the memory is through a marginal photograph you casually snap off? Happens to me all the time. Probably happened to this guy as well, so he bought a Hasselblad CF39MS - a 39 megapixel camera that costs $43,000. Yours and my camera probably has 10 or 12 megapixels at best. His captures 4x the awesomeness and vibrancy and intensity and brutality that our simple little contraptions do.

Have look for yourself. This might actually be one of those times when the picture does do it justice.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Give a little Stretch, and a Bend


Peep the new Taco Cart Express, the Snow Cone Transport, the Liberty Park Limousine, etc. I think I shall name her "Santa Rosa". Throw out some other idears. Hope you are all having a tasty summer.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Friday, June 20, 2008

Treading lightly...


....in a fresh new pair of Reebok Pumps. Hope you all are stepping nicely today.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Pick a color


I mentioned that I started paragliding lessons a little over a month ago in a previous post. Hop in your DeLorean, switch on the Flux Capacitor, and punch in June 13, 2008. As soon as you hit 88 mph, you will find out that I have logged over 30 flights and I am basically a certified P2 paraglider pilot. Excellent (in Wayne Campbell voice). I snapped this picture with my cell phone; the dotted line across the middle of the photo is actually rush hour traffic, southbound on 1-15.

Things are going along just swimmingly, which is ironic, because well… I am flying. Almost as ironic as rain on your wedding day or a free ride when you’re already late. Anywhoms, I have entered a critical stage of the paragliding experience... which color glider should I buy. Here are the options, vote for your favorite.
























There ya go Christine.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Old men who look like lesbians



As of late Anthony Kiedis kinda looks like an old dyke. Check this blog out.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Glad tidings of great joy


Lots of changes in Ol' Duder's life. I have to dedicate this post to all of the latest and greatest of my life. As my faithful readers know, this webspace is NOT my travel log, but a place for my brain to spill some html code. That being said, too many good things have happened recently to just ignore. Here's whats been up:

Moved into a new house: After 2 years, my tenure at the beloved Dojo (1804 S. 1700 E.) has come to an end, due to the fact that our landlord sold the place. The Dojo was the scene of many wonderful gatherings (including 2 sweater parties), several Tiki Lounge sessions, and the venue for our reggae band, the Needy Greedy. If the walls of that place could talk, they would most likely say "Repent", but they would also chuckle at all of the great memories made therein. *Sigh. Oh well, gone are the days of living in a weird old house, paying way too much money for utilities, and dealing with a ridiculous landlord. We were so happy to be out of there, that we lit off strings of firecrackers inside the house for about the last 2 weeks of our stay.

Our new place is tentatively being called "The Cove", in part to its proximity to Olympus Cove. Its a cozy place, but hasn't proved to be a memory maker just yet. More to come on the Cove...

I graduated from the U of U
: This one was 6 years in the making, but at last it is over. Yeah its only a BS in Marketing, but you know what, I have never graduated from college before, so its a big deal for me. No more group projects, no more pretentious professors, and NO MORE fighting tooth and nail for a mini parking spot at the U of U.

I got a new job at Alliance Health: I spent 11 months as an intern at a marketing agency called Studeo Interactive Direct, and I was counting on a smooth transition into a salaried position, but to my surprise, I was denied such an offer. No matter, because I quickly found a position with a great little start up called Alliance Health. My skills learned at Studeo are being exercised to their very limits at this new gig. Although challenging, I am excited to finally be appreciated in a professional sense.

Last but not least, and what I am most excited about, I started paragliding. My mother, bless her heart, treated me to lessons as a graduation present. I can't even begin to describe how me paragliding is. Those that know me well will probably agree. In two weeks, I have logged 10 flights: a handful of tandems, and several solos, including a solo from 1500 feet. Needless to say, I have fallen deeply in love, and I hope to buy a glider rig in the next month or so. More to come on this...

Anyways, just thought I would share a few happy bits of news with you all... life feels pretty good right now.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Startisha

Well, the Seventh Seal (finals week) has been opened, so I have been studying like a Korean molecular engineering student named Pho Kung Phet. At about 11 pm last night, the roommates and I decided that we needed to get out of the house for a bit, and maybe go use the free wifi at a late night coffee shop.

Thirteen minutes later, we were unpacking our laptops and books for a little study sesh at Salt Lake Coffee Break, located in downtown SLC. About the time that I started to purposefully distract myself by surfing the web instead of reviewing a web article for class, an odd site caught my eye.

This young black girl, maybe 22, came walking into the coffee shop with no shirt on. Don't worry, she had her brassiere on... kind of. Actually, her "situation" was a little discombobulated, and her right nip was completely periscoping from the top of the cup, but thats neither here nor there. Other than the indecent exposure, there didn't really seem to be anything else amiss with her.

I tried not to stare as she walked behind me, but I couldn't help but keep her in my periph, just in case any other shenanigans went down that I needed to witness As my luck would have it, she pranced over to our table and stood right next to me. Like, her hip was about to touch my right shoulder and I could smell her breath. She dropped a coupon to try Sprint's new service plan on the table and walked off without a word. A few minutes later, she came back and stood in the exact same spot, and pulled a stack of photos out her back pocket. As it turns out, they were a stack of those little proof photos that you get when you develop film at Wal Mart. You know, the kind that have a thumbnail of every picture on the roll. She carefully reviewed each proof, and then laid it down next to me for approval. After a minute of this, I summoned my most "what the hell?"-face and said "So... are these yours?"

Not looking me in the eye, she just responds "Be my guest. Just be sure to leave them to the owner when you are done. He will give them back to me". I glanced at a couple of them, and they consisted of completely random photos of her face, the Salt Lake Temple, a couple shots of Dicks Sporting Goods at the Gateway mall, and a few pics of some car tail lights.

As I was formulating a reason for why this chick was acting completely loony, I looked up from the proofs at the same moment she was launching into a full pirouette, all the while singing along to "Billie Jean", as it was playing on the house stereo system. She stopped for a moment to glance at a flier, gave it a laugh, and then went back to "... be careful what you do, don't go 'round breakin young girls' hearts, Yeaah eaaaah.". For the grand finale, she went into full out gymnast splits to grab a flier that was laying on the ground, and walked silently out of the coffee shop.

Scout's honor, I didn't just make this up.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Stuff White People Like


This blog slays me. At last, a comprehensive list of things that sums up the average Caucasian. Aren't stereotypes bad/wrong? No way man. There's a reason stereotypes exist: cause they're true.

My own contributions to the list of stuff that white people like:

-wearing sandals with jeans
-facial piercings
-smoothies
-rock climbing
-coupons
-Seinfeld
-sport sunglasses
-surfwear
-cycling
-mediocre restaurants
-festival concerts
-tattoos containing designs from distant cultures
-yoga
-stickers on their car
-American Eagle

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Secure in my masculinity


I just did something borderline h-mo... I am not sure why I feel it necessary to divulge such things in Spit Hot Fiyah, but maybe its to give you all a better insight as to what makes me tick, my quirks, my strengths, and my cunning. I'm kind of a funny guy.

Anyways, I just purchased 4 near-front row tickets to John Mayer, who will be shredding Salt Lake on July 21. These babies were expensive...thank Jah Jah for the Visa. Thats not all, I actually paid $25 a few days ago to join the Local-83, which is Mayer's official fan club. Local-83 members get first dibs on presale tickets, access to the pre-concert soundcheck, and a bunch of other crap. Clearly, you can see that paying club dues was necessary to ensure that I will be sitting within spitting distance of all the shred.

H-mo? Yeah, kinda. But... if you older folks had the chance to see Stevie Ray Vaughan or even Hendrix from that proximity, you'd have done the same thing. Thats right, I compared them.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Another crunchy moment...

*Calling your co-worker (whom you have been acquainted with for almost a year) the wrong name. Ugh, if that doesn't make you feel like a dick, nothing will. I just did this.

On the flip side of this crunchiness, I purposefully let this new dude at work call me "Scott" for the better part of 3 weeks. When he found out, I could tell he felt like he had just stepped in gum. I felt justified in doing this since I introduced myself at work, and even at church.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Cause I spit hot fiyah?

I've gotten a few questions in regards to the name of my blog. Where did I get such a tasty saying you ask? The answer is Dylan.

Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan and Dylan.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Natural Progression of Bachelorhood

I'm a go-with-the-flow kinda guy. When it itches, I scratch it. It just so happens that I itched for a new ride. I scratched it. Though my possessions do not define who I am, they are a symbol of my hard work and cunning.

Out with the old:

Jah Wagon of Bump aka the Legasexy, aka the Silver Sherpa.


And, in with the new:

Unofficially the Dub Truck as of right now.

Back from the vacay

Ugh. Sorry for the unannounced hiatus from SpitHotFiyah. The month-long separation has given me perspective and new shiite has come to light, man. Stay tuned for mo' hot fiyah coming soon.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Self explanatory.

Burger King Quad Stacker

Long John Silver's Lobster Bites

Deep-fried pizza

Arby's fried Cheesecake Poppers

Wendy's Baconator


The reasons why America has man boobies and a gut.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Scream

video

A small video tribute to one of the most fun days of my life.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Crunchy moments


Last week I witnessed an experience that prompted me to document it in the memo pad of my cell phone. It was a slightly awkward, slightly funny situation. It is what I might refer to as a "crunchy moment".

Have you ever gotten pine sap on your fingers and you can't get it off, and every freaking thing you touch sticks to your hand? Or have you ever sneezed four tablespoons of snot into your hand in public, and then you don't know where to ditch the matter because you know people are watching you? Those are crunchy moments.

1.) Last week I was in the bathroom before class, just siphoning the python...minding my P's and Q's. All of the sudden, this shifty looking dude comes in to the men's room. He kicks the far empty stall's door wide open, and goes in for a number one. Thats all. Number one. What was this dude hiding? Why choose the far stall in the corner of the room over the convenience of a urinal in an essentially empty bathroom just for a number one? Why did he kick the door open like he was on the SWAT team? Just weird. I could write an entire post on bizarre bathroom behavior I have observed, but for the sake of decency, I wont. Wellllll... maybe I will in the future.

2.) You stop by a fast food joint for some nourishment, fully aware that you should not ingest anything on the menu. As you are waiting for the friendly amigos at MacDo's to serve up your combo meal, you notice the morbidly obese guy over in the corner, hunched over the very burger you ordered. He looks like a big juicy caterpillar munching away at an equally juicy leaf. Whats worse than that? When you see TWO morbidly obese persons sitting at one little table, eating the same thing you just ordered. Makes you want to just leave without your food, or getting your money back.

3.) You are sitting next to a hot chick in class, and all of the sudden the smell of, what seems like a dead, burnt vagrant assaults your nostrils. The homeboy in front of you unabashedly tore up some air meat, and now the smell is wafting back to you and the hot chick. She is gonna think you did it. How are you gonna prove that you didn't?

4.) You are walking down the cereal isle at the grocery store, and the little kid to your right just put a box of Lucky Charms into his mother's shopping cart. The mother, with no shame, scolds her child right there in the middle of the store at the top of her lungs. "DAMMIT CALEB, WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT KIND, PUT IT BACK!" all the while, seizing the child by his wrist and yanking him over for a mild beating.

5.) You are walking to the break room at work and you are about to pass the person who you think is the biggest tool at your workplace, who is walking the opposite way. Do you say "Hey, how are ya?", or do you just pretend like they aren't even there?

Anyways, those are a few situations I noticed. Let me hear yours.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Power points


Oh snap! Guess who is getting a wireless signal from their neighbor??? Thats right babies, me. I am gonna take this opportunity to post some things that have been racing through my head as my MacBook Pro poaches some intraweb waves, in an ever so ninja-like fashion.

I was studying for an essay exam that I thought was tomorrow, but turns out its not til Thursday. Know what that means? I get to procrastinate, and you get to read my latest musings. Disclaimer: there really is no rhyme or reason, or relationship to any of the following points.

1.) Snow: Lots of it. Digging out every other day is becoming tiresome, but this stuff is gorgeous...glad that Brigham Young decided "This is the place".

2.) Passing of Gordon B. Hinckley: Although I am not sad, its not every day that the World loses the best person in it.

3.) Election primaries: coming up pretty soon, but I am still not quite sure who will receive my vote. If the day comes and I am still wishy-washy, I am just gonna write in "John Rambo" as the alternate. I am confident that he would sneak up on any one of our country's problems, cover its mouth, and then rip out its trachea with his bare hands. With his bare hands, man...

4.) Guilty pleasure song: "Lesson Learned" by Alicia Keys, and John Mayer. Her sultry voice, John's dripping-with-tone Strat, a simple piano melody, and a tight beat. Musician collaboration at its best. Never mind its about her getting her heart broken by some dude.

5.) Superbowl XXVIJHEBBV, or whatever it is: Who honestly cares about the Patriots or the Giants? The answer: No one. I am still gonna watch it in my Broncos gear, but only as a celebration of the 2007-2008 NFL season. I am gonna root for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I hope they win.

6.) New stuff I would like to purchase if me and my friends found One-Eyed Willy's treasure: A white Toyota Tacoma, new pickups for my Fender, and some gray and infared Nike Airmax 90's. Do I need any of it? No. Is that question relevant? No.

7.) This dude, Erik Mongrain: he looks like a cancer patient, or maybe a raver, or maybe a villain in Max Max Beyond Thunderdome. No, he's just Quebecois. Boy does he make a pretty tune in an unconventional way though. Enjoy Le Percusien.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

List of Things that Must Go, Vol. 2


Some of you may recall a previous post, in which I outlined several things that must go. Since then, my observations about the world around me have yielded another installment of this (now officially) ongoing post. I compiled this list in class last night:

Hunting stickers: mainly found on redneck trucks, but usually depict two male elk, with horns interlocked. The word "Gladiators" can be seen underneath the image.


White girls and gang signs: seen largely on social networking sites. The generic gang sign favored is a usually a backwards "peace sign", and is usually accompanied by pursed lips, a la "kissy face".

Charlie's Angels sydrome: once again, can be seen largely in albums on social networking websites. It is where, for some unknown reason, girls feel the need to stand back-to-back, while holding up imaginary pistols made of their two hands clasped together, while posing for a picture. Why is this the default pose? (Thanks Chase, for bringing this to my list)

The response "everything", as the answer to the question "So what kind of music do you listen to?": Nelly, Kelly Clarkson, Keith Urban, Snoop Dogg, and the Killers... thats not everything.

Other things that made the list, yet need no explanation:

The Toyota Prius

Double breasted suits

Items constructed entirely from duct tape


Beaded, or shell necklaces on males

Overly scented woman lotion


Screaming or grunting loudly while lifting weights at the gym

Sketchers sneakers

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Thank heavens for '07, but no hate in '08


Well, its been over a month since I last spit some truth here in my blog, but I have been a busy man. I was up to my cerebral cortex in finals and projects, and transforming my house into a Winter Wonderland for the Second Annual Sweater Party. Not to mention holiday festivities, and numerous feasting occasions in which, I took part. So as you can imagine, my Franklin Covey was full to its maroon leather-bound brim.

To catch you up a little, the Sweater Party went off as expected. Many attendees dropped by to take part in sushi, meatballs, and a pinata filled with Halloween candy and prophylactic devices (courtesy of Jordan Buttars). We pulled in a good haul of presents for the foster children, and genuinely had a pleasant evening at the Dojo.

Some think that a perfect Christmas involves a snowy setting, mirthy laughs with close family members, and a fine spread of meats and cheeses. Actually, a perfect Christmas is getting a Nintendo Wii. I am not kidding, I have been acting a gaming-fool ever since the December 25th.

New Year's Eve, or as I now call it, Over-rated Eve, was spent in the company of a few close friends. We rang in 2008 with a bottle rocket/Roman candle battle and lying to and old woman, who we were upsetting with the salvo of illegal fireworks.

Nine days have passed since that night, and I have had some time to reflect on '07. I have come up with my highlight reel:

-Best concert: Tool
-Best meal: Mango mole enchiladas from Red Iguana
-Best trip: Six Flags in LA
-Best movie: Sunshine
-Best album: John Mayer, Continuum
-Best purchase: 70's era Fender Stratocaster
-Best new hobbies: road biking and motorcycle day trips
-Best quote(s): "What the ___ kind of ritual am I gonna do with patchouli oil?" and, "The beauty is in the subtlety of the arrangement..."
-Worst day: knee surgery
-Saddest day(s): two buddies left the Dojo to pursue life in greener pastures
-Biggest accomplishment: juice fasting for 10 days

To sum it all up, it was a good year. Laughed a lot, watched friends move on to exciting things, gained a lot of work experience that will likely shape the rest of my professional career, experienced some humbling physical events, overcame those events and became healthier than ever before, had a little heartbreak, and learned some good life lessons. So thank heavens for '07, but I got no hate for '08. Be easy.