Burger King Quad Stacker
Long John Silver's Lobster Bites
Arby's fried Cheesecake Poppers
The reasons why America has man boobies and a gut.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Last week I witnessed an experience that prompted me to document it in the memo pad of my cell phone. It was a slightly awkward, slightly funny situation. It is what I might refer to as a "crunchy moment".
Have you ever gotten pine sap on your fingers and you can't get it off, and every freaking thing you touch sticks to your hand? Or have you ever sneezed four tablespoons of snot into your hand in public, and then you don't know where to ditch the matter because you know people are watching you? Those are crunchy moments.
1.) Last week I was in the bathroom before class, just siphoning the python...minding my P's and Q's. All of the sudden, this shifty looking dude comes in to the men's room. He kicks the far empty stall's door wide open, and goes in for a number one. Thats all. Number one. What was this dude hiding? Why choose the far stall in the corner of the room over the convenience of a urinal in an essentially empty bathroom just for a number one? Why did he kick the door open like he was on the SWAT team? Just weird. I could write an entire post on bizarre bathroom behavior I have observed, but for the sake of decency, I wont. Wellllll... maybe I will in the future.
2.) You stop by a fast food joint for some nourishment, fully aware that you should not ingest anything on the menu. As you are waiting for the friendly amigos at MacDo's to serve up your combo meal, you notice the morbidly obese guy over in the corner, hunched over the very burger you ordered. He looks like a big juicy caterpillar munching away at an equally juicy leaf. Whats worse than that? When you see TWO morbidly obese persons sitting at one little table, eating the same thing you just ordered. Makes you want to just leave without your food, or getting your money back.
3.) You are sitting next to a hot chick in class, and all of the sudden the smell of, what seems like a dead, burnt vagrant assaults your nostrils. The homeboy in front of you unabashedly tore up some air meat, and now the smell is wafting back to you and the hot chick. She is gonna think you did it. How are you gonna prove that you didn't?
4.) You are walking down the cereal isle at the grocery store, and the little kid to your right just put a box of Lucky Charms into his mother's shopping cart. The mother, with no shame, scolds her child right there in the middle of the store at the top of her lungs. "DAMMIT CALEB, WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT KIND, PUT IT BACK!" all the while, seizing the child by his wrist and yanking him over for a mild beating.
5.) You are walking to the break room at work and you are about to pass the person who you think is the biggest tool at your workplace, who is walking the opposite way. Do you say "Hey, how are ya?", or do you just pretend like they aren't even there?
Anyways, those are a few situations I noticed. Let me hear yours.