Aromapalooza

I am nasally fixated. People (girls) think its weird when I want to smell them after they walk by and I catch a big nasal cavity-full of their sex appeal. Come on, there's nothing creepy or stalkerish about that. You're watching too many movies. But you have to admit, nothing can put the exclamation point on a memory like a distinct smell.

Tonight in my marketing class, I brainstormed a list of scents that set me off like Monty Jack (Rescue Rangers) after smelling some cheese. " 'Ey Zippah! Is that CHEE-YEE-YEESE?"

See if you have any in common.

• WD-40
• Sea Breeze astringent
• cotton candy
• brand new sneakers
• nail polish
• Mile High Stadium
• Novelty smoke in concerts/stage shows
• a freshly opened Red Bull
• puppy breath
• Old Spice High Endurance deodorant
• wet sidewalk
• the Wonderbread Store
• peachy peach scented pine tree air fresheners
• cedar chips in parking lot dividers
• Sharpie markers
• the inside of acoustic guitars
• Windex
• Koosh balls
• brand new books from your Scholastic book order in elementary school
• wet wood
• Nag Champa incense
• hot ski wax
• bacon cheese burgers
• a freshly painted room (latex)
• the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland
• fireworks
• pipe tobacco
• leather seats in a car
• jack-o-lanterns with candles in them
• girls' hair
• garlic bread in the oven
• asados
• brand new electronic appliances (TV's, computers, speakers)
• Adam's mom's cookies
• chamomile flowers in San Martin de los Andes in the spring
• Oktoberfest at Snowbird
• a BBQ in the evening during summer
• Dairy Queen blizzards
• freshly mowed lawn
• panaderias in the morning
• palo santo wood
• new can of tennis balls
• Mr. Sketch markers, even the black ones
• clean carpet
• pine sap
• roasted marshmallows
• aspens after rain/snow in the fall
• coffee early on Christmas morning
• motorcycle exhaust
• yerba mate

McCormick Confessional

You know what's a good time? Tell your mom all of the dangerous and ridiculous things you did growing up. She can't do a thing to you, other than just brow beat you a little. Try it; you'll get some laughs. Well, I'm about unload a doozie here in this post. I will now tell you about one of the stupidest things I have ever done.

One snowy evening long ago, I found myself hanging out at Marny Ray, and Arlon's apartment (I have changed their names as to protect their anonymity). Arlon was entertaining a lady friend so he was busy and not paying much attention to Marny Ray and I. Our casual chit-chat eventually turned into a conversation that would shape that night's events:

Marny Ray: "Hey dude, did you know that if you eat nutmeg it makes you really high?"
Kristjan: "No way man, thats preposterous. How could a common household spice get you high?"
MR: "I swear dude, my friend Jordan did and he swears it makes you high. He never lies."
K: "Uhh...."
MR: "Uhh...."
K: "Uhhh..."
MR & K together: "LET'S DO IT!"

So we decided to take the Pepsi Challenge, as it were. We booked it down to Smith's to pick up the finest, dankest, highest grade nutmeg that money could buy. We got the good stuff that comes in a glass jar instead of a plastic one. I think it was like "McCormick Selects" and it cost $3.73.

With the goods gripped tightly in my hand, we headed back to the apartment to tweak out. We supposed that the recommended dosage was about 2 tablespoons per person... so we took 4 tablespoons a piece just to be sure. Come to find out, swallowing dry nutmeg powder is A.) repugnant B.) really hard. A few ounces of Arlon's OJ in the fridge made the spicy smack easy enough to choke down.

With an 8 ball of spice in the stomach, it was time to wait for the swirling colors and talking pillow cushions to appear. About 3 hours had passed after we had hung out and watched Kill Bill 2, and still not even a buzz... just a deplorable aftertaste. Marmy Ray and I unanimously voted "Myth Busted" on nutmeg and we called it a night.

Folks, what happened in those wee hours of the morning between when I went to bed and when I woke for the 8 A.M. potty break, was unprecedented. I got out of bed and stumbled, no, crawled on my hands and knees into the bathroom. I couldn't believe what I saw when I looked into the mirror... big black pupils, and eye lids that were stuck at half mast. Realization finally hit me that I was "faded", using the parlence of our times. I staggered back into bed and turned on my cell phone...I had to tell somebody about this. I had to call Marny Ray.

He beat me to it. When my phone booted up, I had 3 messages from the guy. The first one was something like : "Du hahah duu hahahhaha duude Kristjan... duude. duuuude, I am so hi hahahhahahah hi hahhah hahah hiiiigh!!!" The other two messages were variations of the same thing. Contrary to Marny Ray's giggle fits, I was not feeling that handsome. Rather, I felt like I had been wrapped up in my blanket, and thrown down the stairs, then beaten with a garden hose.

This was my first run in with substance abuse, so I didn't know how to deal. The only thing that seemed logical was to call every person in my cell phone and tell them how high I was. Some of you may remember that call... priceless. After I called everyone that I knew, the only other activity that seemed appealing was feasting on mass quantities of junk food. Oh yeah, and drinking lots of water to get rid of the cotton mouth feeling.

Anyways, that lasted until about noon of the next day. Miserable. So, thats my story. I ate nutmeg and got really high. It sucked. Sorry Mom.

"In my country..."

Just a thought I had today as I was lunching:

My attire today consists of Reebok shoes (British in origin, but made in China), and an Adidas track jacket (German brand, but also made in China) emblazoned with a soccer team's logo (from Argentina). I drove my Subaru Legacy (Japanese) to school where I talked to my buddy (from Denmark) and read a certificate of credit (from Spain) in my marketing class. Then, I stopped by Dask's for a gyro plate (Greek, but prepared by Mexicans) on the way to work. The soundtrack to my commute consisted of samba (Brazilian) and reggae (Jamaican).

Tonight, I will go home and fix up a cup of mate (from Paraguay) and work on some homework. Maybe I will get a second to play some blues (American) on my Fender Stratocaster (American, but built in Mexico).

Good grief, I feel like a United Nations meeting today.

The Dark Side of the Powell

I am sitting here at the Dojo, sipping on a toasty mug of Mate Chocolatte, and ruminating about my weekend. I have kinda made it a point to not use my blog as a travel journal, but to use it for an outlet for sharing whats on my mind.

That being said, I just returned from a great little weekend jaunt down to Lake Powell with my friends and family. Those of you that have been there know that most any trip to Powell is an insta-classic. The scenery, the recreation, the good times with your people are always way above-par and each trip has its special moments. Let me recount one such moment.

Last night, as people were bedding down in the houseboat, I climbed myself and a sleeping bag up onto the top deck of the boat, and stretched out for few minutes of stargazing by my lonesome. Again, those of you that have ever been to Powell on a moonless night, you know that the amount of celestial eye candy above is literally entrancing. So as I was staring up at the perfectly chaotic visual mess (best way to describe what it looked like) that is our galaxy, I noticed some echoes from up the canyon that we were in. Since the night was pitch black completely still, I strained my ears to figure out what the sounds were. Buried beneath of the deep echoes being caused by the high sandstone walls, I heard: "Breathe, breathe in the air. Don't be afraid to care. Leave, but don't leave me. Look around, choose your own ground..." a.k.a, the opening lyrics to Pink Floyd's mind-blowing record, Dark Side of the Moon.

WOW. That's all I could think. I could not have handpicked a better soundtrack to accompany the incredible scenery I was taking in. The right music at the right time can really enhance a great experience like this one. My thanks to the earthy fellas camped out up the canyon from us for providing the perfect musical score for that perfect visual moment.

Things that MUST go

A radio station here in Salt Lake occasionally features a spot on their morning show called "List of Things that Must Go". The DJ's basically take turns commenting on things that 'must go' and give their reasons why. Here is my list:

Overly-large turbo diesel trucks: How ignorant can you possibly be??? I am talking about the F-350 types that are lifted 10 inches, have a giant novelty scrotum hanging from the chrome trailer hitch, and belch a thick cloud of black death when the driver steps the gas. Is it just me, or are the drivers of these ridiculous trucks compensating for anything that might be on the small side? I think so. Also, I am not sure if there really is a hole in the ozone, but if so, it was caused single-handedly by these things. Thanks.

Famous Stars and Straps: the official clothing sponsor of highschool dropouts nation wide.

Fast and Furious cars: your '92 Honda Civic still only has 47 horsepower even if it is painted lime green and has a vinyl ground effect kit (that is falling off in a few places). That coffee can of a muffler isn't going to help you win the pink slips to other cars, Dogg.

Metrosexual cowboys: The kind that wear fashionably bleached and tattered jeans. A tight 'vintage' tee and a crumpled cowboy hat to top off the ensemble. They can't decide if they are sheik-chillin, or sh!t-kickin. "Hey Randy, you got that new Rascal Flatts CD in yer truck? No? You got that new 50 Cent?"

Lip Piercings: Please bless this fad goes the way of the male nipple piercing, or the eyebrow piercing.

Meatheads: Dudes that go to the gym 7 days a week, and their diet consists of whey protein shakes, creatine tablets, raw tuna fish, chicken breasts, and gallons of water. They have abnormally large traps, biceps, and lats, but their legs and lower body resemble those of Gonzo. Meatheads can be seen with any number of silver hoops in their ears, puka shell necklaces, sleeveless t shirts and may be adorned with a barbed wire tattoo around the bicep. Note the hairless limbs and the ever-present ruva bed tan.

Stand Alone Goatees: Hey Todd, 1996 called, and the singers from Metallica and Godsmack want their facial hair back. Also, they said that collecting Spawn figurines is a waste of money. Medival swords too.

Smoking: Will someone please explain to me how people still get started smoking cigarettes? I fail to see how this is appealing. "Hey bro you gotta light? *spark, spark, inhale, exhale* Ahhhhhhhh, welcome to Flavor Country!"

The Insane Clown Possee: 3 rappers with stand-alone goatees that smoke, have lip piercings, wear Famous Stars and Straps and probably drive huge trucks... and they paint their faces as if they were a possee of insanse clowns. They have their own group of hardcore fans that are called Juggalos, who paint their faces in like fasion. I guess they are considered an actual gang by city police forces? Bahahahhaha.

And those, my friends, are some things that MUST go.

Hippy Treats

Let me share a couple of my recent hippy treat finds from Wild Oats.

So I guess the hip new thing among hippy health dweebs is yerba mate. The joke is on you chaco-wearing, messenger bag-toting peeps though.... Mate isn't "hip" or "new" to South Americans. Its a staple food and an ancient tradition among Argentines, Uruguayans, and Brazilians. Its like, the simplest form of customary drink around in those parts.

Anyhoo, even if it is as common as dirt in South America, I am happy that a few venture capitalist gringos who like to camp have figured out a way to make mate taste better, and make it available to people like me who live in Utah. Guayaki Mate Chocolatte is a nice blend of the traditional yerba with some cacao, and it comes in a teabag for easy use. With a squirt of honey, this stuff is bangin.

I couldn't find a picture of the other treat I found, so you will just have to look around at your local Wild Oats to find it, if you are intrigued. As I was paying for my mate, I got suckered into an impulse buy when I was looking at the other new hippy craze: dark chocolate. I found one that was a blend of curry, coconut, and dark chocolate. Let me tell you, that it was TASTY, but kinda weird. Just picture your favorite indian dish, in dessert bar form.

In an unrelated topic, let me take a few lines of this post and fill you in on the results of that juice fast/saline flush that i did for 10 days.

-It was gnarly
-I lost 13 pounds
-I have put on 3 pounds since the end of the fast
-I have no desire to eat fruit, or drink its juice
-I don't really have a desire to eat meat, either. Especially the red kind.
-After I did the saline flush (drinking 24 oz of salt water), i felt FANTASTIC. Well, not right after, but the next day I felt fantastic.
-I feel like eating healthier (well, just less soda, fried stuff, and stuff with lots of sugar)
-I know why half of America is fat though... fast food tastes really good, and you can always get it.

It was an interesting experience. One that I will likely repeat in about 6 months or so.

Finally, a reason to live again

At last. The 2007-2008 Football Season (yes, in caps) is upon us. I have written a sonnet to express my gratitude:

Let many thanks be given,

For this sacred time of year.

Let the screams of triumph,

Ring out loud and clear.

Don't hold back the curse words,

When your team is distraught.

Don’t forget to celebrate

Lest their efforts be forgot(ten).

So grab some hot wings,

And call your bro's.

Its Monday night,

Forget your woes.

The task at hand,

Is 1st and 10.

Be they angels?

Nay... they are but men.

Wishing you and yours a happy and victorious year. Make this season the best of your lives.

-Kristjan