How to Feng Shui your insides

In an attempt to be more zen-like and to harness my Chi, I have embarked down the long, bumpy, and hungry road of a juice fast. A few buddies of mine did it recently, and have since talked up the juice fast like it was the cat's a$$. I have always been a little skeptical of these crazy health practices, but these guys are living proof that this juice fast really helps you lose weight, detoxify your body, and reset your metabolism. I decided it was time to make a change and try something really challenging. I prefer most of my fruit in juice form anyways, so I figured it wouldn't be too bad.

You know that guy who is like, 134 years old, and looks like a senior citizen-version of Lance Armstrong? You always see him in those super positive infomercials where he is selling the Ultimate Juice Master Machine. I am talking about the God Father of Fitness, Jack La Lanne. Well I bought one of Jack's magic inventions, and I have been juicing for 2.5 days now. Here are my impressions so far:

• I am hungry
• I wish I was on a cheeseburger, fries, and coke-fast
• I am lethargic
• 4 celery stalks do NOT taste good when juiced with peaches and strawberries.
• I keep falling asleep
• Is this really good for you?

I have been reading articles on this website, http://www.healthrecipes.com/, and they give me some hope. According what I have read, my body has been infiltrated by a whole bunch of gnarly toxins that come from years of consuming Pringles, frozen pizza, and Mtn. Dew. As the fast goes on, your body's lymphocytes attack all of the gnar, and burn it up as fuel. This process results in physical discomfort and weakness, and is dubbed a "cleansing crisis". Well, I am right on track then.

So, I know this post isn't as witty and entertaining as some others, but my humor is being eaten from the inside currently. Anyhoo, I am fiending a huge plate of cheese ravioli, with a quesadilla on the side, but I am gonna tough this one out and prove to myself that 'mind over matter' really is a trait of a Jedi Knight.