You know what's a good time? Tell your mom all of the dangerous and ridiculous things you did growing up. She can't do a thing to you, other than just brow beat you a little. Try it; you'll get some laughs. Well, I'm about unload a doozie here in this post. I will now tell you about one of the stupidest things I have ever done.
One snowy evening long ago, I found myself hanging out at Marny Ray, and Arlon's apartment (I have changed their names as to protect their anonymity). Arlon was entertaining a lady friend so he was busy and not paying much attention to Marny Ray and I. Our casual chit-chat eventually turned into a conversation that would shape that night's events:
Marny Ray: "Hey dude, did you know that if you eat nutmeg it makes you really high?"
Kristjan: "No way man, thats preposterous. How could a common household spice get you high?"
MR: "I swear dude, my friend Jordan did and he swears it makes you high. He never lies."
K: "Uhh...."
MR: "Uhh...."
K: "Uhhh..."
MR & K together: "LET'S DO IT!"
So we decided to take the Pepsi Challenge, as it were. We booked it down to Smith's to pick up the finest, dankest, highest grade nutmeg that money could buy. We got the good stuff that comes in a glass jar instead of a plastic one. I think it was like "McCormick Selects" and it cost $3.73.
With the goods gripped tightly in my hand, we headed back to the apartment to tweak out. We supposed that the recommended dosage was about 2 tablespoons per person... so we took 4 tablespoons a piece just to be sure. Come to find out, swallowing dry nutmeg powder is A.) repugnant B.) really hard. A few ounces of Arlon's OJ in the fridge made the spicy smack easy enough to choke down.
With an 8 ball of spice in the stomach, it was time to wait for the swirling colors and talking pillow cushions to appear. About 3 hours had passed after we had hung out and watched Kill Bill 2, and still not even a buzz... just a deplorable aftertaste. Marmy Ray and I unanimously voted "Myth Busted" on nutmeg and we called it a night.
Folks, what happened in those wee hours of the morning between when I went to bed and when I woke for the 8 A.M. potty break, was unprecedented. I got out of bed and stumbled, no, crawled on my hands and knees into the bathroom. I couldn't believe what I saw when I looked into the mirror... big black pupils, and eye lids that were stuck at half mast. Realization finally hit me that I was "faded", using the parlence of our times. I staggered back into bed and turned on my cell phone...I had to tell somebody about this. I had to call Marny Ray.
He beat me to it. When my phone booted up, I had 3 messages from the guy. The first one was something like : "Du hahah duu hahahhaha duude Kristjan... duude. duuuude, I am so hi hahahhahahah hi hahhah hahah hiiiigh!!!" The other two messages were variations of the same thing. Contrary to Marny Ray's giggle fits, I was not feeling that handsome. Rather, I felt like I had been wrapped up in my blanket, and thrown down the stairs, then beaten with a garden hose.
This was my first run in with substance abuse, so I didn't know how to deal. The only thing that seemed logical was to call every person in my cell phone and tell them how high I was. Some of you may remember that call... priceless. After I called everyone that I knew, the only other activity that seemed appealing was feasting on mass quantities of junk food. Oh yeah, and drinking lots of water to get rid of the cotton mouth feeling.
Anyways, that lasted until about noon of the next day. Miserable. So, thats my story. I ate nutmeg and got really high. It sucked. Sorry Mom.
One snowy evening long ago, I found myself hanging out at Marny Ray, and Arlon's apartment (I have changed their names as to protect their anonymity). Arlon was entertaining a lady friend so he was busy and not paying much attention to Marny Ray and I. Our casual chit-chat eventually turned into a conversation that would shape that night's events:
Marny Ray: "Hey dude, did you know that if you eat nutmeg it makes you really high?"
Kristjan: "No way man, thats preposterous. How could a common household spice get you high?"
MR: "I swear dude, my friend Jordan did and he swears it makes you high. He never lies."
K: "Uhh...."
MR: "Uhh...."
K: "Uhhh..."
MR & K together: "LET'S DO IT!"
So we decided to take the Pepsi Challenge, as it were. We booked it down to Smith's to pick up the finest, dankest, highest grade nutmeg that money could buy. We got the good stuff that comes in a glass jar instead of a plastic one. I think it was like "McCormick Selects" and it cost $3.73.
With the goods gripped tightly in my hand, we headed back to the apartment to tweak out. We supposed that the recommended dosage was about 2 tablespoons per person... so we took 4 tablespoons a piece just to be sure. Come to find out, swallowing dry nutmeg powder is A.) repugnant B.) really hard. A few ounces of Arlon's OJ in the fridge made the spicy smack easy enough to choke down.
With an 8 ball of spice in the stomach, it was time to wait for the swirling colors and talking pillow cushions to appear. About 3 hours had passed after we had hung out and watched Kill Bill 2, and still not even a buzz... just a deplorable aftertaste. Marmy Ray and I unanimously voted "Myth Busted" on nutmeg and we called it a night.
Folks, what happened in those wee hours of the morning between when I went to bed and when I woke for the 8 A.M. potty break, was unprecedented. I got out of bed and stumbled, no, crawled on my hands and knees into the bathroom. I couldn't believe what I saw when I looked into the mirror... big black pupils, and eye lids that were stuck at half mast. Realization finally hit me that I was "faded", using the parlence of our times. I staggered back into bed and turned on my cell phone...I had to tell somebody about this. I had to call Marny Ray.
He beat me to it. When my phone booted up, I had 3 messages from the guy. The first one was something like : "Du hahah duu hahahhaha duude Kristjan... duude. duuuude, I am so hi hahahhahahah hi hahhah hahah hiiiigh!!!" The other two messages were variations of the same thing. Contrary to Marny Ray's giggle fits, I was not feeling that handsome. Rather, I felt like I had been wrapped up in my blanket, and thrown down the stairs, then beaten with a garden hose.
This was my first run in with substance abuse, so I didn't know how to deal. The only thing that seemed logical was to call every person in my cell phone and tell them how high I was. Some of you may remember that call... priceless. After I called everyone that I knew, the only other activity that seemed appealing was feasting on mass quantities of junk food. Oh yeah, and drinking lots of water to get rid of the cotton mouth feeling.
Anyways, that lasted until about noon of the next day. Miserable. So, thats my story. I ate nutmeg and got really high. It sucked. Sorry Mom.
9 comments:
I love you, but you are a moron. I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible, of course.
4 tablespoons of nutmeg? Good grief.
Oh, for hell's sake, Kristjan...I can just read the headlines now: "Mormon RM's OD on Nutmeg"...not only tragic, but real embarrassing at the same time. What a couple of 'tards you two are...
So what is the going rate for a dime bag of 'meg is now-a-days? I hear sticking green chili's in your brown eye makes you irresistible to women.
That was so funny man. I remember calling on the fallowing Sunday to see if you were going to church. You didnt answer. Come to find out, you were laying in bed spinning in circles. I have some other stories we could share with Pam if you would like. Bacon wrapped shrimp sounds so good right now.
Marny Ray. Hahahaha, wow. I've heard that story a few times but that was fantastic. When I get out there again we shouldn't do that. Ever. Together. With John.
I laughed the first time you told me this story and I laughed again! Freakin hilarious
High...on nutmeg. Wow. Every 12 year old kid will be running to their mom's spice rack to get high once this little doozy gets out. Or am I the only one that didn't know this?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Holy cow!! I seriously love you!! That is so funny!!
Hows life?!!
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